Posted by I have always had an interesting relationship with the Book of Mormon and the early history of the church. From a young age, there were a few things, specifically relating to the origins of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith’s history, with which I had a hard time. My faith, at that time, was built around a lot of the teachings that sprouted out from the restoration; eternal families, salvation for the dead, multifaceted heaven, nuanced perspective on hell, and a belief that revelation wasn’t reserved only for ancients. I believed these things made more sense than any other version of Christianity and so I just assumed the other stuff was ok. My spiritual experiences at that point were things that confirmed to me God was there, and that Jesus Christ really did live and was resurrected.
In full disclosure, when I was a youth, I never read the Book of Mormon in full, or with any sort of dedication when reading in sections. I also never really studied the history of Joseph Smith. Half of my family were not members of the church and even though I was exposed to a lot of things that made me question, my faith in the teachings of the church were strong enough that I still decided to serve a mission when I turned 19. Once I got on the mission, however, it did not take long to realize that I needed to have my own testimony of the more specific pillars of our faith. I read the Book of Mormon in full while I was in the MTC, and loved what it taught, but felt no special confirmation like those around me claimed. I started praying about Joseph Smith, since many of my doubts were specifically directed toward him, and I felt nothing there either. On the other hand, I was having a lot of spiritual experiences related to Jesus Christ and God.
Two weeks into my first area, we were teaching a family the discussions. The husband had been raised an atheist and wasn’t sure if God was real, and the wife had been raised in a Christian church that taught mostly antagonistic things about Mormons (we were called Mormons back on my mission). I had started to get a feeling that Kory (the husband) was going to ask me how I knew what I was teaching was true, and since I really didn’t know I began feeling the pressure. I decided to fast about it, and nothing happened. I was really discouraged but decided to have faith that something would come to me. That night we started teaching Kory and his wife the 3rd discussion and my section was the section of the first vision account. After recounting it to them, Kory asked me point blank, “How do you know [Joseph’s first vision] experience happened?” I was scared because I wasn’t going to lie to him, so I started talking to him about my feelings about Joseph Smith and the most incredible presence filled the room. Kory and I connected, we were both filled with this feeling that is hard to describe and we both new in that moment that God was speaking to our hearts. We were in tears and could barely breathe the feeling was so intense. I have never felt the spirit so powerfully since that time, but I knew that Joseph Smith had seen God and that he was a prophet.
Now, according to most circles, this experience should have been enough to give me a testimony of the Book of Mormon. We all know the deal, “If Joseph Smith was a prophet then the Book of Mormon is true, or if the Book of Mormon is true then Joseph Smith was a prophet.” We have all heard that logic, or even feel it now. Unfortunately, for a “Doubting Thomas” like myself, that logic only appeased me for the short time I was a missionary. When I began interacting with real life, exploring the details of church history in detail, and studying the Book of Mormon and what people assumed it to be, I started to feel that my mission experience was not adequate to overcome the dissonance I was experiencing. An implicit testimony was not going to work for me.
I spent many years working on that testimony, resolved many doubts and questions, but through all that searching and discovering I never had that spiritual experience with the Book of Mormon that so many others had. I had almost become convinced that I would never have it, and that I didn’t need it since I had built the other parts of my testimony instead. Then, after I read a book called “Understanding the Book of Mormon,” I started to view the Book of Mormon differently. I started to look at what the authors were trying to say, instead of reading each verse like it was a meme for Instagram. I started to see the author’s admitted weaknesses, and they became real people to me. Their stories started to impact my soul in a different way. I was becoming closer to Jesus Christ. I wanted to be a better person.
At some point, I was reading Alma chapter 32, of which we have all read many times before, and I realized that I was experiencing the growth of my faith the way Alma explains. As I came to verse 35, I read the following:
“O then, is not this real? I say unto you, Yea, because it is light; and whatsoever is light, is good, because it is discernible, therefore ye must know that it is good; and now behold, after ye have tasted this light is your knowledge perfect? Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither must ye lay aside your faith..”
I was overcome with emotion when in my mind and heart I realized IT IS REAL. The power of the Book of Mormon is real. Exercising faith to live by its teachings brings real goodness into my life and in the life of so many I love. The Book of Mormon was given to us, somehow, by the grace of God. It is real that its authors were imperfect yet faithful men, and that if we learn from their experiences, we will be closer to Jesus Christ. I am thankful for the winding road that brought me this testimony, and I believe that if anyone will put it to the test, they will discover it is real as well.
Book of Mormon Testimonies 